How the Stories We Spin and the Parts We Play Expose Us to Danger
For years as a pastor I remember thinking: We’re about to turn the corner.
Guests will become members. Growth will become the norm. Vision will become reality.
We’re almost there.
It’s strange thinking back on this now. How at very different points in my pastorate—year 3, year 5, year 7—I felt like we had reached the bottom and were starting to climb out.
Soon we would see daylight.
What I didn’t realize back then is that I was doing something we all do, not only pastors with their ministries, but what humans do with their lives.
I was telling a story.
As counselor Paul Tripp puts it:
“Human beings do not live life based on the facts of their experience, but on the interpretation of the facts. We never respond objectively to the situations in our life; we respond based on the lens that we see those situations through.”
—”Four Things to Know About You“
We are constantly interpreting what’s going on around us.
And we do it in the form of stories.
When I told myself that we were about to turn a corner, I was interpreting the facts around me and restating them in the form of a story.
In this case I was unwittingly following Kurt Vonnegut’s “man in hole” narrative.
The church has fallen on hard times. And I’m here to lead us towards a brighter future.
There are at least five other basic storylines. And we are all use them to interpret what’s going on in our ministry.
What’s more, we’re also interpreting ourselves as playing a part in that story.
No matter which role we choose, we might be heading for disaster.
When I mention your part or your role in the story, I don’t mean your title or your position in your ministry. My point here is not to alert you to the unique dangers facing lead pastors or associate pastors or church planters or laypeople.
Those aren’t the roles I have in mind.
What I’m talking about is the way you’re interpreting what’s going on around you in ministry. The story you’re spinning about your leadership. And what role you see yourself playing in that story.
It’s not so much your position at your church that might be trouble.
What I have in mind is your interpretation of your position.
The reason is that your interpretation, the story you’re silently telling yourself, often stays below the surface, unnoticed even by you, even though it drives so much of your behavior.
“We’re just about to turn the corner,” I told myself.
I thought that was an objective statement of what was happening in ministry. In fact it was my interpretation of the facts around me.
It was the story I was telling myself.
And I had carved out my role in that story.
The Church Revitalizer. Leading a historic church into renewed mission and growth.
That’s the story I spun. That’s the role I saw myself playing. But the story and the role were invisible to me. I saw my story as objective facts, not as an interpretation. So I didn’t realize what I was doing.
And I couldn’t be aware of potential danger.
I am not trying to stop you from telling stories about your leadership and the role you play.
If that were my aim, I might as well try to stop you from being human.
This is simply how God made us. To be human is to be an interpreter.
Interpreting is not the issue. The issue is that we are unaware we are interpreting and are therefore unaware of the dangers of the stories we tell. If we never recognize the story we tell ourselves about our ministry or the part we believe we need to play in that story—regardless of our actual position—we are headed for trouble.
We fool ourselves if we think the only lens we see our situation through is our position: pastor, associate minister, church planter, layperson.
And how we talk to ourselves can illumine us to the unnoticed interpretations below the surface.
So where to begin?
Every story has certain characters, including your leadership story.
When we assume one of those roles in our leadership story, we expose ourselves to specific dangers inherent to those roles. And if we never see the part we think we’re playing, the danger is even greater.
Let’s start with the two most common characters in a story, and how we as leaders interpret ourselves in each role.
Hero
Few pastors want to admit that they see themselves as the hero in the story of their church. We know that the real Hero is Jesus and that our role is at best to get people to him.
And yet.
It is all too easy for us as pastors to see ourselves as the hero in the story. After all, we’re the ones bringing vision, clarity, direction, and movement to the ministry.
Maybe the church has grown under our watch.
Maybe the team is healthier than it’s ever been.
Or maybe we’ve just been called to a struggling church and we’re tasked with restoring it to its former glory.
For thousands of reasons we see ourselves as the ultimate protagonist in the story of our church.
In the example above, this is the part I saw myself playing.
Here are some more examples of the self-talk of a leader who sees themselves as the hero of the story:
- “I’ve got to figure this out or we’re doomed.”
- “If the church knows what’s good for its future, it’ll adopt my proposal yesterday.”
- “No one here can lead / preach / disciple / evangelize like I can.”
- “I’m really good at what I do.”
- “What would they do without me?”
Note that your self-talk may be quite accurate. But if you’re not aware that your self-talk is putting you in the role of hero, you may be blind to the dangers inherent to the role.
What are those dangers? Here are some that come to mind:
- Failing to seek out the input of others
- Overvaluing your importance
- Impatience with the people you’re called to lead
- Silencing opposition
- Surrounding yourself with people who only affirm and never critique
- Going it alone
- Getting angry at people you think are in your way
- Inability to learn from ministry failure
- Rigidity
This is not the path of Christian leadership. Even Christ himself, the true Hero, does not lead like this..
When you see yourself as the hero of your ministry story, you need to pray for humility and surround you with people who have the ability to tell you No..
Villain
Every story has a villain. And sometimes, perhaps surprisingly, pastors cast themselves in this role.
Ever been there?
This might not seem quite so obvious as the role of hero, which means this one might be even more dangerous.
If we start thinking ourselves the hero of our church’s story, at some point we’ll realize at least the potential to lead out of our sense of pride. But when things aren’t going well—or when they aren’t going the way we think they should go—we can start seeing ourselves in a villainous role.
The subversive in a failing ministry. The fly in a toxic ointment.
Our goals might still be heroic. We want to lead the church to a brighter future. We want to save this mess.
Maybe.
But our self-talk takes a subversive turn. It might sound something like this:
- “His idea is going to fail. And when it does, I’ll be in a great position to make a change.”
- “Once this church grows and I get a majority of voting members, I’ll be able to lead this church wherever I think the Spirit wants it to go.”
- “This conversation is ridiculous. I can’t believe we’re wasting valuable time in a leadership meeting on such a stupid topic.”
- “All I have to do is bide my time and outlast the opposition.”
- “If I can just get so-and-so on my side, we can turn things around.”
As with the heroic self-talk, these examples may be valid, justifiable. But they might also be evidence that you’re taking on the role of villain.
Depending on where in the story your ministry is, God might call you to a season as the villain. Maybe that’s the role Jeremiah played in the story of God’s people in Judah.
And maybe the Spirit will use your season as a villain truly to lead your church towards lasting, healthy change.
But there are dangers to avoid when we see ourselves as the villain. These include:
- Self-pity
- Cynicism about other people – their motives, their aspirations, their theology
- Schadenfreude – pleasure in the misfortune of others
- Unwillingness to give yourself wholly to this ministry – a divided focus
- Unhealthy craving for conflict
- Alternatively, unwillingness to engage difficult issues until you have critical mass
- Self-righteousness
- Harshness in dealing with other leaders
- Despair
Neither does this path reflect Christian leadership. When the tide of ministry turns against your leadership, you may see yourself as the villain in the church’s story, even if for a little while.
When you do, recognize where you are and ask God for grace to help you fulfill your calling during a potentially difficult season.
There are, of course, other characters in the story. And we’ll look at a few more in the next post.
For now I suggest you begin listening to the stories you spin about the church or ministry or team you are leading. Do you see it as the “man in hole”? Is it climbing upwards? Has it reached a glorious maturity?
And what role are you playing in the story you tell yourself? Are you the hero leading the church to the promised land? Do you see yourself as the villain subversively pushing the church to go a different way? Or something else altogether?
Drop your responses in the comments below.
Whatever story you are spinning and whatever role you see yourself playing, remind yourself of the real story arc we’re in—creation, fall, redemption, restoration, renewal of all things.
Jesus the true Hero is leading his people to the promised land.
By his Spirit we get to have a part.