Why did God make a world with you in it, instead of one without you?

This is Part 1 of a short series. Here are links to Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, and Part 7.

I’ve been leading a training on self leadership, which involves knowing who you are. identifying where your life is going, and moving purposefully in the direction of your calling.

Self leadership is critical to instilling trust in those we lead, because trustworthy people are characterized by integrity, honesty, and follow through.

And we cannot live and act with integrity if we are unclear about who we are, and who we are not.

For a long time I carried in my mind a generic understanding of myself, which led to a generic sense of identity (Christian) and a generic sense of my calling (pastor).

It was biblically informed, so in that sense it was good.

But it was also incomplete.

God created humans to be diverse, to have diverse backgrounds and diverse experiences and diverse gifts and diverse callings.

That means he made each of us different on purpose.

So we should think deeply about why he made me as he did, why my inclinations are what they are, what drives my behavior, what uniqueness I bring to the world.

Far from being selfish, such self-reflection demonstrates profound respect for the intricate work of God who created me as he did.

It’s really hard for me to believe that.

I mistake humility for invisibility.

I make myself smaller than human size. By doing so I functionally despise the image of God in which I have been made.

No, humility bends the knee before God in acceptance of how he made us. Vice regents of creation. Glorious mortals.

Humans with a calling.

Yes, a calling to be God’s own chosen and beloved in a broken world. A glorious calling indeed!

But within that broad calling for every believer there is also an individually-tailored one for me.

Why did the Almighty choose to make a world with me in it, when he could have just as easily made a world without me in it?

God must have his reasons.

And it’s my lifelong opportunity to discover what those reasons are.

Six years ago I started a project of self-reflection that has profoundly shaped my understanding of who I am and that daily informs what I do.

If I can put it this way, it’s given edges to my sense of self, clearer demarcations of what is mine and what is beyond me.

It’s helped me navigate what the Spirit is calling me to do and what he has left for others.

After all, I am not infinite. Therefore I cannot do everything. What then am I supposed to do?

What is my raison d’être?

When I was younger I tried working on something like this. I have clear memories of studiously answering all the questions in my Franklin day planner, in earnest attempt of articulating my life mission statement.

I’m sure that little notebook is still lying around here somewhere.

And if I were to read the musings of my 21 year old self, I’m pretty sure I’d find the answers to be generic.

Answers any Christian could’ve written.

Biblically informed, yes. But without serious thought to the uniqueness of my background, education, or experience.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not trying to be hard on myself.

I think I might’ve just been too young to see how the one (Scripture) related to the other (myself) with penetrating depth.

Some things can be learned only by experience.

Five children, a cancer diagnosis, moving to New York, a difficult pastorate, extended unemployment—all these and more have been means by which God has been deeply integrating the one and the other, helping me exegete both Scripture and self with greater accuracy and more honesty.

No doubt, God was doing that very thing with my 21 year old self. And twenty years from now I hope to look back and see how much further he has taken me on this journey.

And rather than looking for a lost notebook with forgotten answers tucked in a file cabinet somewhere, I hope to keep a record of self-reflections that grow with me, that mark where I am on my journey of faith, that reorient me to the person I believe God has called me to be.

Six years in, I’m glad for how this project has brought clarity, energy, and joy.

Over the next few weeks I’ll lead you on a journey of self-reflection through a practice of guided journaling.

The same project I started six years ago, and continue to work on today.

I’m breaking it up over multiple weeks because you’ll need time each week to think about your responses.

This isn’t a one-and-done project.

Sitting with these questions will enable you to think deeply about your life, and to invite the Spirit of God to disclose his kind intentions for you.

I’m looking forward to getting started on this journey with you!

And if at any point you’d like some help along the way, you know how to reach me.