The Problem with New Year’s Resolutions – A Big Reason Change Doesn’t Last
As common as making New Year’s resolutions is, there is an equally common phenomenon at the start of every year.
And that is trashing them. Calling them a waste of time. Stupid. Not worth the effort.
Now that we’re a couple of weeks into the new year—and some of our New Year’s resolutions have found the dustbin—you might find yourself there.
I get it. But maybe we’re missing something here.
For me a new year provides a golden opportunity to review my life, my goals, and my dreams—where am I and where do I want to go? The reflection inevitably leads to new rhythms or altered practices that I believe will steer me in the right direction.
Our real problem with New Year’s resolutions or annual goals or fresh starts is not so much making them or failing to keep them. In my mind the problem is the same that most churches have when launching something new.
We try to do too much.
And it’s not just at the new year.
Every summer when our family gets ready for vacation I inevitably pack way more books than I could possibly read.
Maybe you’re in the same boat.
We look at the freshness of a new year or the free time of an upcoming vacation and dream of ways to fill it with activities we want to do but never get around to. In the process we forget a simple reality.
Your time is not that free. The new year is not that fresh.
In other words we bring with us into a new year all the responsibilities from the previous year, from time-intensive projects like crafting sermons or discipling a young believer, to the everyday annoyances of life, like taking out the garbage or emptying your email.
Our problem with new year’s resolutions or annual goals or an overloaded reading list is not that our aspirations are misguided or that we should just carry on without change.
Our problem is that when we try to add new practices, habits, or actions, we fail to subtract some of the responsibilities we’ve been carrying.
You simply cannot do it all.
So what might subtracting responsibilities look like in practical terms?
Let’s say you began 2022 resolved to engage more in personal evangelism. Good!
Now what might that entail? If you didn’t have already someone in mind, then this resolution certainly entails getting to know people, spending time where non-Christians are, and cultivating some a relationship or two.
And once you’ve established a relationship, then you’ll want to eat together, do stuff together, and of course talk, listen, and share Jesus with them.
Each of which takes time.
So if you’re committed to more evangelism this year, how much time per week will that commitment require? Two hours a week, perhaps? Maybe more?
Well, if you’re going to add two hours of relational evangelism to your calendar every week, what are you going to remove? Sermon prep? Leadership meetings? Prayer?
Friends, this is where we pastors get into trouble. Because when we start adding new resolutions to our lives without subtracting responsibilities we’ve already been carrying, I can tell you the two things you’ll subtract by default.
Family time. And sleep.
That is not good.
So committing to more relational evangelism is good—very good! And it’ll require at least two hours of work per week.
But before you put that plan in place, you have to decide: what will I remove? Where will I find those two hours?
Perhaps this new commitment does mean you spend two less hours in sermon preparation per week. If so, you should track your hours and ask someone to hold you to it. Be sure you’re not simply shifting sermon prep to family time.
Does that scandalize you?
Well then, how about this? If you believe you cannot shorten sermon prep, perhaps you should preach less. For example, let’s say you believe you simply must have ten hours to prepare for every sermon and you want to add two hours per week for personal evangelism.
Given this example two hours is 20% of your sermon prep. So preach 20% fewer sermons. Give someone else the opportunity to preach every five weeks.
And you’ve just found an extra two hours a week.
You cannot add new habits unless you compensate for the time they require.
So we’re a couple weeks into the new year, and those resolutions might already be a distant memory.
But each new day lies as open before you as the year did on January 1.
So there’s no reason to prevent making adjustments today. In fact making resolutions on January 15 might be wiser than making them on December 15, because life has settled into its usual rhythms and you can be more realistic about your everyday responsibilities.
Where to begin?
1. Dream about what you’d like to become
Why did God create you? Not generically but specifically. Why did he decide to make a world with you in it rather than without you?
Where is your life going? Where do you want to be when you’re 40 years old? 60? 80? What do you want your life to contribute to God’s good world?
What steps can you take in that direction in the next five years? In the next three years? This year?
These questions are huge and require lots of time. Think in terms of weeks or months, not days or hours. I rewrite detailed answers to these questions every other year, and review and revise it every week.
Besides lots of time these questions require transparent conversation with people who know and love you, and possibly some coaching. For me being guided in this process by a skilled facilitator transformed my thinking.
And if you’re wondering what you should remove in order to answer these questions, I suggest incorporating this meditation as part of your regular rhythm of prayer and Scripture. Read a little less, ponder these questions in prayer a little more.
2. Assess your current responsibilities
I suggest you use a simple 2×2 to help you in the process.
I made one that you can download one for free either as a PDF or as a Google doc. But it’s simple enough to create yourself.
In the top left corner identify the role you’re assessing (e.g., pastor, friend, parent, or spouse).
Create two columns across the top of the page. Entitle them “What I love to do” and “What I have to do.”
Create two rows along the left hand margin. Entitle them “What only I can do” and “What other people can do.”
You now have four sections to fill in. Write everything you do in one of those four boxes. For example, “sermon preparation” might go in the box of what you love to do and what others can do, while “attending leadership meetings” might go in the box of what you have to do but what only you can do.
Consider breaking down responsibilities into smaller parts, especially if some parts fit in different boxes. Maybe you love the prayer in leadership meetings but not the decision making process. Put them in different boxes.
3. Begin to delegate
I’m tempted to say, “Learn to delegate,” but I don’t mean you need to read a book or pray about what delegation means.
You just need to do it.
Start with the fourth quadrant—things you have to do and that other people can do. For each item in your list ask yourself who can do that, who might even enjoy doing that.
Then go ask them.
It might take a little time for you to train them how to do it, but it’ll be worth it.
And if you can’t think of anyone who can handle a particular item, keep thinking. And pray.
I love it when a pastor I’m coaching says, “I’m not sure who’s going to lead X ministry but I think the Lord would have us go there.” After we discuss a strategy and pray together, the next month the pastor returns to say, “I think the Lord brought me the right person.”
Pure joy!
The next quadrant to address might be the hardest: things you love to do that other people can do.
You’ll likely need to hand some of these responsibilities to others if you’re going to succeed at your new habits.
4. Turn some stuff off
We lose a lot of time handling pointless communication that should never have found our inbox in the first place.
Part of that is the world we live in. Everyone jostles for our very limited attention. The result is that our phones light up with little red circles to tell us all sorts of unimportant things and our Promotions tab overflows with emails we’ll never read.
So turn them off.
Every new year I patiently unsubscribe from every email I no longer want. It takes a couple of weeks since their mailing schedules vary, but pretty soon I’m again receiving a manageable number of promotional email that I actually want.
And as for those little red circles on my iPhone? I leave four of them on—Phone, Messages, and two apps I hardly use.
Facebook? Twitter? Nope.
Gmail? No way.
I want to be intentional about when I open those apps, rather than react to the little red circles.
It’s one small way I try to manage my limited time and energy.
Maybe that’ll help you too.
What are you going to stop doing so that you can make progress towards your goals?
I’d love to hear about it in the comments section below!