Help! 2020 is about to destroy my church!

Almost every pastor I’ve spoken to the last six months has shared a similar story.

“It seems like my church is about to disintegrate.”

For some the challenge has come in the form of contention over the ever-changing guidelines related to church gatherings. Should we meet for worship or not? If we do, should it be indoors or outdoors? And should everyone wear a mask? What kind of mask? Some congregants think leaders have gone too far, others think they haven’t gone nearly far enough.

For other churches the concern of disintegration has less to do with a contentious congregation and more to do with a massive population shift. The city where I live is undergoing a radical transformation as hundreds of thousands of people have left for one reason or another. Right now I am writing from a nearly empty Bryant Park in the heart of midtown Manhattan. It’s lunchtime on a glorious sunny day. Where is everyone?

For me the ministry has often felt like everything was being held together by a very slender thread, and it was my job to make sure that thread did not snap.

Theologically, I knew that wasn’t true. It’s Jesus’ job to build his church and the gates of hell will not prevail against it (Matt. 16:18).

But it felt true. I carried the pressure, seemingly from the Lord himself, to get everyone in the church on the same page, and to bring more people in.

It was a fool’s errand. And what eventually disintegrated was not the church.

It was me.

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Over the coming days I want to help you navigate this exceptional season we’re in—global pandemic, racial injustice, social unrest, presidential election.

Where we’ll start, however, is with ourselves. Because contrary to how you and I might feel, God did not put you where you are in order to crush you.

He has put you where you are in order to change you.

You may be powerless to change your situation, but the Spirit has good intentions for how you will come through this time.

So here’s what to do right now.

1. Have it out with God. By this I mean that you need to (a) talk out what you’re going through (b) with God (c) in the most honest terms you can muster. All three of these elements are crucial.
   • Talk. Don’t just go recount everything in your head; literally open your mouth and verbalize what you’re experiencing. Go somewhere you can hear yourself talking. I vividly recall a couple of hours I spent in Central Park in 2017 where I did just that. Of course no one noticed me; I was just another person talking to an invisible friend.
   • With God. As you speak out what’s going on inside, address God directly and repeatedly. This is not a psychological ploy to get you feeling better; this is an intense time to pray.
   • Honestly. I said things to the Lord that day that I never thought I would express. The irony is of course is that he already knew everything in there; the only difference was my saying it out loud. This kind of vulnerability before God will deepen your confidence in his unshakable commitment to you. Jesus really does love you.

2. Pay attention to what the Spirit turns up in you. Broken areas that need to be healed. Sinful patterns that need to be corrected. Deep-seated loves that need to be reordered. Persistent doubts that need to be addressed. This season is a crucible, a refining fire, a winnowing process. Pay careful attention to the Spirit working through the Word.
3. Bring in a trusted friend. Pick someone who has known you a long time, who is part of a different church, and who is in a similar ministry position. Give them a glimpse into what you’re going through, and ask them if you can talk with them for an hour or two every month for the next three months. Check in regularly to let them know what’s going on, to share the things you’re battling, and to pray for one another. Work hard to be honest, real, vulnerable. You’ll be glad you did.
4. Consider hiring someone too. At a particularly low point I brought in a counselor to help me deal with what God was doing in my life, and then a coach to help me walk through my next steps. At various times I’ve also brought in therapists and spiritual directors. I’ve relied on mentors as well and they are a great resource, but often ministry mentors are pastors themselves and have limited availability and even less bandwidth. Counselors, coaches, therapists, and spiritual directors intentionally carve out time for the people under their care, and good ones are worth every penny you pay. And if you hire a bad one, fire them and find someone new.
5. Remember the real project. It’s easy for us pastors to be focused on our projects—our dreams, our initiatives, our to-do lists. But the Apostle Paul reminds us that, while we are working on these things, God is working on us. “We are,” he tells us, “his workmanship” (Eph. 2:10). Don’t get so lost in what you’re doing for Jesus that you forget just how much Jesus is invested in you.

He really does love you.

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What is the most frequent theme the Spirit is turning up in you these days? Please share your thoughts below. I’d love to hear from you and pray with you.